I feel that i've became better. But that doesn't mean i'm gonna stop changing myself, i'm still going to change, for the better. I want to be the reason why i am smiling. I want my happiness to be within me, and not a puppet where people are controlling my actions and emotions. And the main reason why i want to change, is because i am sick and tired of getting hurt.
I rely on people a lot, i used to that stubborn girl that hate being alone. Be it, eating alone, going out alone, i just hated being alone. And if i am alone, i will not eat. If i am alone, i will not go out. And people that cares for me will have to do something about it. And if they don't, i will start feeling upset. Thinking that nobody cares about me, and that's what's keeping me away from happiness, i rely on people to make me feel happy. I expect too much from people, and i have to stop, i need to learn how to be independent. I need to learn how to feel happy even if it means to me being alone.
I am hot-tempered, and that drives people away from my life. It pushes people away from me, because they can't get along with me. Because they find it hard to be stay with me, to keep up with me. So i have to, i NEED to, control my temper. Use different pespectives to look into a situation, put myself into others' shoes. Understand them, feel them. And i need to put down my pride and ego, even if it means to apologize for something i've never done. And yes, i've changed. I do apologize even if it isn't my fault, maybe because i've realized saying sorry only loses my pride, but not the people i care about.
This is life, sometimes you change yourself because you want to be better. But sometimes is because you want someone to stay in your life. And i guess i am a little bit of both? I've changed, because people can't keep up with me, but i want them to stay with me. So i have to change, for them to stay. But at the same time, i am learning how to control my temper. I've changed, because i don't want to rely on people that much anymore, and i've found the key to happiness. I can't say i changed myself, because is the people i care about that makes me realize my flaws. They made me realized what i am lack of. So, i've changed myself because THEY made me realized that i can be better, and stronger.
Edited on 17 Nov, @12:32am.
I never got to finish this post, but lol here i am trying to rant everything within me to this platform. You know what's scary about this post? Is that nine months later, i am still feeling exactly the same way. I mean, yes, for the past nine months. I've been delightful, but then *boom* back to this. I can't even believe it.